After spending basically the first two months in quarantine, I really thought about literally everything around me. The first two months in quarantine during COVID-19 was tough. It was pretty bad. Every other night I would have negative thoughts pertaining my future. Will I be able to find a girlfriend before 30? Will I be able to get a good paying job? The list of questions goes on. I really started to question myself and my worth. I started probing myself with these questions and it eventually got to me. Doubting yourself is probably one of the world’s worst fucking feelings ever. I then started doubting everything that I had ever done. Whether if those things were good or beneficial, I threw them out of the picture. I just didn’t know what to do. It made me think about myself differently. I haven’t had the opportunity to sit down and think about my future alongside myself in a long time. If COVID-19 wasn’t happening anytime soon and I had my days off still, I definitely would’ve gone traveling just to ease my mind. Then again, at what cost? a temporary escape? Linkedin has a great example of the common thoughts that people experiencing a quarter-life crisis might go through.
When I was working full-time, I made no room for anything else. My life from 2018 – March 2020 consisted of waking up, sleeping, eating, working, and going back to sleep. The daily routine starts over when it’s a new day. Oh, also it didn’t help much too considering my hours were pretty horrible. I would commute to work starting at 11:45AM, get to work at roughly 12:50PM, finish the shift by 10:00PM, and get home from my commute at 11:00PM. Oh did I also mention I was commuting from the 626 all the way to Irvine? Everyday too? Yeah that was basically my life. SSDD.So obviously I was tired everyday. Woke up tired and went to sleep tired. It was bad. I initially thought that I was depressed, but that was a reach. I didn’t have much time to start self-reflecting on myself until I took time off from work. Shoutouts to COVID-19 for letting me be able to self-reflect during the quarantine.
Anyways I really started to think about myself and my future. I would constantly have these thoughts and reflections every night. Was I good enough? Will I be able to find a better job anytime soon? Am I lost in my career path? Everything I’ve done I’ve doubted myself. Whether it was making money from playing/gambling options or buying & selling shoes, anything that was originally perceived as a positive outcome I would try to downplay it. So I thought, maybe I’m currently going through a Quarter Life Crisis right now. I’m lost in every single way. I’m not sure about my future career. Anything about my future I was just unsure of. Even when I was working full-time I was doubting myself. I’m glad that I was able to find an okay-paying job but at least it wasn’t entry level. Then again it wasn’t enough just to satisfy me. I get the thrill about working in a shoe store, but eventually you would have to move on. That’s what I did. I got too comfortable and wanted to do other things. But what did I want to do next exactly? Who knows, maybe couple months down the line I’ll be able to answer this question.
I wouldn’t entirely blame my horrible work schedule for leading me to an emotional downfall. I would blame social media and the feeling of having to impress everyone you see/talk to online. Social media probably made me lose all my confidence and everything that I’ve worked for. Anytime I would see someone making money or living a successful life, I would compare myself to them and just start dreaming. Jealously really plays a factor in this quarter-life crisis. People having nice cars, houses, great paying job, and etc. Almost everything that I listed is something that I want to aim for. But how exactly? I’m not sure if I even like buying/selling shoes anymore. I’ve had this thought last year but I didn’t think it through.
I’m turning 24 this year. For my age, I am still relatively young so I should be able to try new things out before I start regretting it. Do I want to go back to school and find a new career? The possible questions goes on and on. There are so many things that I feel like I am behind in. Staying at home during the quarantine really opened my eye and woke me up. I’m glad I went through this quarter-life crisis. It really changed my perception of how I see things now. Right now, I’m still unsure of what I want to do next, but at least my mind is in the right place. I’m always open to try new things.
Everything has a purpose.